"Stuff" holds me back
While driving home tonight, the lyrics of a song on the radio struck a chord with me:
If I ain't got nothing, I've got nothing to hold me back
When I left my high paying job at Compuware to start my own company, I was 24, renting a house, driving a $1,000 beat-up Jeep (my computer was worth more than my car) and sitting on the same furniture I bought when I furnished my first college apartment. I had little fear about leaving my fancy Compuware job, even considering I took a 50% pay cut when I left. I figured I had nothing to lose...what was the worse that would happen? I'd fail, run out of money and have to go get another job. Big deal.
I remember that same year "gambling" wildly in the stock market using margin on my Datek account, thinking nothing of buying tens of thousands of dollars of stock. I made some money and lost some too. I even lost $19,193 in a single day, but like leaving my Compuware job, I basically shrugged my shoulders and kept on trading. If I lost it all, it would be disappointing, but it wouldn't be the end of the world...after all, it was only money.
Fast forward to today; I'm 32, I own a house, have a few "big boy" toys, have kids, have some money tucked away and am comfortable in my job, daily routine, lifestyle, etc. I'm also no longer carefree, and I've realized that I'm also ridiculously risk averse - too risk averse. How did this happen?!?
Friends have told me that it's a result of growing older and wiser. But today I'm questioning whether it's really wisdom, or rather just plain fear - fear of losing stuff. That's the funny thing about stuff and me, the more I've acquired, the less risk I'm willing to take for fear that I might lose some stuff.
I don't like that part of who I'm becoming. Life isn't as much fun without the thrill that comes with trying something new, something risky. Having few toys and modest belongings isn't very sexy, but it leaves the doors to adventure and risk wide open, and that sure is appealing to me.
So, my young cousins (you know who you are) just starting out on your quest to acquire oodles of stuff, consider that if you ain't got nothing, you've got nothing to lose.